Made of Stronger Stuff
by manic bipolar pretzel
Summary: Lil was always a nice, quiet, shy girl; and people walked all over her. Now Lily's stronger sides is showing, and she won't stay down anymore...
1. Goodbye, Lily Evans May peace find you

Lily had always been a nice girl. She listened to her parents, was polite, did as she was told, respected her elders, and was basically a model child. Her next door neighbors, James, had always been the troublemaker. Yet, the two children had still managed to be friends. When they went to Hogwarts together, though, Lily wasn't welcomed to warmly. Oh, sure, she had "friends", but not true friends. Truth be told, people HAD walked all over her fir seven years. This is her story.  
  
August 29th  
  
I don't want to go back to Hogwarts. I swear, every year I have a new tormentor who uses me incessantly. Will I never learn? As if anyone could truly be friends with me, Lily Evans? The dork, the brain, the snob? The one too good to have friends? I am just a tool...  
  
But I will stand it no longer! I declare here, in my compendium of thoughts (it was too trivial to call a thing that held her essence a diary or journal), that I will change! I will be storing! I will not back down anymore!  
  
It will start with Petunia, and her boyfriends. I won't cover for them anymore, or take the blame. Petunia ought ot be responsible, like me.NO! I won't think like that anymore. I will be the strong me who cannot stand the repression, this slavery anymore!  
  
Goodbye, Lily Evans. May peace find you.  
  
Hello, Lily. Now is the time for change.  
  
Lily  
  
Lily put down her compendium. If she was going to change, she might as well start with the way she looked. What should she wear now? Even though she didn't excel at Transfiguration (James Potter did), she could still manage to transfigure her clothes. Well, not now, but she could on the train. She laid out all her clothes. For one thing, she must stop wearing any "cute" clothes. But what color wasn't cute? Lily smiled. Black would work.  
  
***********************  
  
Lily sighed as she got on the train and transfigured her clothes. It had been so hard, telling her mom she needed to change. After three hours, she finally managed to convince her mother that she wouldn't be bad, just different. She now wore a shirt that said, "I'm only wearing black until they invent something darker", plaid paints, and a studded belt with a metal chain around her neck, and a shortened chain dog leash thing (you know what I'm talking about!!!). Her hair she would leave as is, it was fine.  
  
Lily almost couldn't wait for the first person to find her, so she could begin her change in earnest. It felt so good to be able to try new things, and be herself. This was the Lily she wanted to be, should be!  
  
The door to the compartment slid open, and Lily almost sighed as she saw who peaked in. The Marauders! The only people she had a soft spot for, the only people she really felt comfortable around. Oh, well. Change has to start somewhere.  
  
"Lily? Lily, is that you?" James asked, hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah. Sup, James?" Lily said, nonchalantly. It sounded ok so far.  
  
Remus whistled. "We almost didn't recognize you, Lil'. You really changed over the summer."  
  
"Yeah." Lily said, not wanting to say too much too soon.  
  
Sirius the popped his head in the room. "Whoa, James, who's that?"  
  
"The name's Lily." Lily cut in.  
  
"Lily?"  
  
The conversation continued along that track for another few minutes, as the Marauders made themselves comfortable. After a while, things began to seem more normal. Lily had a soft spot for them because they were so understanding. It was why she liked them. The only difference that would have been noticeable to anyone who knew the 5 would've been the fact that Lily was so much more confident, and out-spoken. 'Wow,' James thought. 'She's really come out of her shell.'  
  
And that was how the new Lily entered Hogwarts; with friends. So far, she had been accepted. She smiled, happily. This seemed to be a good change.  
  
A/N: i'm really not good at l/j fics, but i luv 'em. r&r pleez!!! next up, more reactions as lily settles into her new world!!! 


	2. Why would anyone like you?

Lily was well aware of the stares and whispers that followed her through the halls. She had hoped that it would calm down a little over night, one of those really short-lived fame things, but no. It seemed she would be in the limelight until something else happened. Lily sighed, as she adjusted her new ornaments. She had a lovely key chain that said "Make someone happy Shut up" on a lanyard that was decorated with blue flames, and a name tag/id card thing that said "Kill the Bunnies" (a/n: my new slogan, no u can't have it, i made it up.), and some pins on her sack. One said "its not that i'm antisocial, i just don't like you", and another said "i'm laughing on the inside", and yet another said "bow to me." (a/n: i luv those!)  
  
People had been bugging her all day about when she had changed. But it wasn't so much that Lily had changed, as much as it was that she had always been like this. Now she just was over her shyness, and tired of being left out of everything.  
  
"Lily!" Lil' turned, annoyed at being pulled out of her reverie. It was Peter Pettigrew. She smiled, but frowned inwardly. Something about him just didn't seem right...(a/n: i HATE him!!! also *winks* hint, hint...)  
  
"James, Sirius, and Remus have been looking all over for you!"  
  
Lily frowned. "What for?"  
  
"They said that they needed to talk to you. C'mon." Lily followed Peter, thoughtful. What could they want? They would see her next period anyway. Lily glancing at her watch, hoping that this wouldn't take long. It was almost time for Ancient Runes, and she hated to be late for a class.  
  
Peter led her down a deserted hallway, and pulled her into an empty classroom. Lily looked around, saying, "Peter? Where are James, Sirius, and Remus?"  
  
Peter suddenly looked uncomfortable. "They aren't here, Lily." He whispered. Lily looked at him, and then raised an eyebrow. Peter looked down at the floor, and mumbled something. Lily didn't answer, so he said it again, a little louder. "Lily would you go out with me?"  
  
*****************************  
  
PPM were studying, when Remus looked up suddenly. "Guys, isn't Lily supposed to be in this class?"  
  
Sirius frowned, and nodded.  
  
"She's never late," Remus continued.  
  
James suddenly looked thoughtful.  
  
"Guys, where's Peter?" he said.  
  
****************************  
  
Now Lily felt really uncomfortable. Peter disgusted her, but she wasn't by nature a mean person. How could she say that nicely?  
  
Meanwhile, Peter had turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, and was determinedly staring at the floor. He wasn't saying anything, but was just waiting for her answer.  
  
"Peter...," Lily began in the kind of voice that meant no, but I don't wanna be mean to you.  
  
"Oh, fine. But if Sirius, or Remus, or James asked you, you'd say yes. No one ever pays any attention to me. You all think that I'm disgusting or something. You're revolted that I could ever ask you out." Peter was furious, and was certainly not embarassed anymore.  
  
"Peter, that's not true. I just don't think of you that way..." but Peter cut Lily off again.  
  
"Lily, I've always known who you are. I've always admired your quiet determination, and I've always liked you. But you were never interested in me. Just the other three." He spat out the words with disgust, as though he ever regretted feeling that way.  
  
"Peter-"  
  
"Stop trying to reason with me Lily! I hate you! don't why I ever bothered. You wonder why people use you? You are so stupid! No one really likes you! Not even your precious "friends" that you think you have. Why would anyone like you?" Then Peter stomped away, leaving Lily alone with her thoughts.  
  
  
  
a/n: sorry about the long time between updates. stupid school *curses under breath*. anyhoo, please review. i hope u peeps like it! sry bout the cliffie, but it's necessary. i'll update again soon, in the next 2 days or so. review! and read my other stories! or my flying blue monkeys will eat u! i got new one, i still have the green and purple ones. 


	3. Can You Blame Me?

Could they be using me, too? Lily was horrified; she had never considered the possibility. They had always been so nice to her that she had taken them in immediately as friends. But what if Peter was telling the truth? Lily wanted to cry. No! a voice inside her screamed. That's how they want you to feel. They're pushing you around, just like before. You don't deserve this. You won't take it! A determined look appeared one Lily's face, as she knew that she must confront them. But she'd never done this before. Maybe she should punish them first, and make them sorry. If they were genuinely concerned, then maybe she'd talk to them about it.  
  
***********************************  
  
When Peter showed up for class late, no one was really suspicious of anything. Peter was always late, getting lost or stuck or something. James, Remus, and Sirius just greeted him as they normally did when he came in. He sat down to class and did what he normally did, which was to stare at the professor in an aimless stupor. He only pulled out of it when he heard what the other three Marauders were talking about.  
  
"I can't believe Lily isn't here. She's never late to class-" Remus was saying. Sirius interrupted him saying, "Maybe it's part of her new thing."  
  
"I don't know if this is a new thing, Si. Maybe she's always been like this, and we never noticed." James seemed thoughtful, but Sirius immediately lightened the mood.  
  
"She's probably killing those damn bunnies."  
  
Peter smiled, and went back into his stupor. She wasn't part of them yet. He hadn't infiltrated the Marauders. That was good. He could still mess things up, and Malfoy would be happy. He had seen Evans first-  
  
He was interrupted from this train of thought as class ended. He went off to lunch happily, because, being a Pettigrew, he had to show how much he could stuff at every meal. It would be shameful to refuse god food. Everyone else thought that this was disgusting, but still, it was tradition.  
  
Evans was at lunch already, he noted. Now the whole conversation would be about her and skipping class. Why did she always get the attention?  
  
"Lily, where were you last period?" Sirius sat down, and asked nonchalantly. Lily didn't respond, though, and kept eating silently and slowly. Sirius looked at James and Remus, who were equally confused.  
  
Try as they might, Lily didn't utter a single word during lunch. As soon as she was done eating, she got up and walked away.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Remus asked. No one who knew would tell.  
  
************************************  
  
Peter left early from lunch, and this caused some suspicion. Peter never left early; he stuffed until he had to leave (another reason he was always late). He headed towards the Gryffindor common room, and PPM decided to follow him.  
  
They watched as he went inside the common room, and stood right in front of the portrait exit, making it in before it closed. Lily was in there, and Peter went over to talk to her, oblivious to the other three's presence.  
  
"What did I tell you, Lily? They don't really care." James stiffened in anger.  
  
"They seemed to care to me. Why else would they want to talk to me?" Lily was obviously upset with Peter.  
  
"They're using you. You're of no use to them if you won't cooperate. They use you for as long as possible, and drop as fast as they can."  
  
"How do I know that you're not using me? Why should I take your word for it?"  
  
"Who is friends with them? Who is the newcomer?" Peter pretended to think. "Oh, yeah, me. So it would make sense for me to know them better." He looked smug.  
  
"You might want to rethink that, Wormtail." James stepped out of the shadows, anger in every feature. Peter cringed as James continues, "Why would we use Lily? She's nice, funny, and fun. You, Wormtail, are a worm, a rat, and an idiot if you think that you'll still be friends with us." Peter looked a lot less confidant now. "Just leave. Before I get too mad."  
  
Peter scurried out of the room, and PPM turned to look at Lils. "You believed him?" Remus asked incredulously.  
  
"Can you really blame me?" Lily retorted.  
  
James still looked furious with Peter. "When did we ever treat you differently?"  
  
"All the time, James." James looked stunned now. "Ever since you found out, you've treated me differently. And you know what I'm talking about."  
  
Remus and Sirius looked at James as Lily stalked up the stairs to the 7th year girls' dorms.  
  
James shook his head, and said, "I can't explain. I'm not sure what she's talking about."  
  
Inside, James burned with rage. She was still on him about that? He had found out about that years ago. Still, it's not something you'd get over to fast...  
  
*************************************  
  
Lily sat on her bed. Did I do it right? she wondered. She'd never yelled at someone before, but James was being unrealistic. How could he blame her? And especially since her knew what happened last summer...  
  
She shook her head, not wanting to think about it.  
  
Melissa Tolemy came into the dorm. She was ok, and her and Lils talked sometimes, but not a lot. "What's the matter?"  
  
"I had a fight with James..."  
  
"You ant to talk about it?"  
  
Lily smiled, relieved. Melissa had never been one of the people who used her. In fact, she had always stood up for her.  
  
"It all started with that damn Peter..." she began, and felt better immediately. Maybe Melissa could be friends with her. Her pride was showing now, and though she might apologize to James, she could never go crawling back to him.  
  
*************************************  
  
Sirius James, and Remus stayed up late that night, talking. "So, what's up with you and Lily?" Sirius wanted to know.  
  
"Nothing." James replied. They let it go, and eventually drifted off to sleep.  
  
James woke in the morning, very confused. He had dreamt about Lily. Why was he so taken with her?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
a/n: i am sooooo sorry that i haven't update in a while. its not my fault. my computer got messed up, and then my internet wasn't working, so its not my fault. *points at fish bowl* they did it! please review! oh, i can't wait to finish this! i have big plans for the end and a sequel idea!!! weee!!  
  
so yeah, review 


	4. To Weak to Cry

"Run, Lily! Run if you can!-" an evil, high-pitched voices screeched after her as she ran, stumbled, and dragged herself along. Be hind her, she could here that eerily high cackle grow closer, ever closer. Yes! She was at the bridge! She could make it! Just get over the water- "Crucio!" the evil voice yelled, and Lily collapsed in a world of pain. She didn't scream, to weak to cry, she silently suffered at the hands of her hunter. HE had found her again.  
  
Lily woke, sweat pouring from every pore as she wiped her face, and tried to slow her breathing. Her heart was racing, and Lily was fighting the urge to scream. The dream again, the message, but at Hogwarts she was supposed to be safe! As her heart rate slowed, Lily began to get dressed. She walked out of the Gryffindor commons, and went to see Dumbledore.  
  
James had been wandering down the stairs after he had woken from his dream about Lily. He thought he heard something, and made it down the stairs just in time to see Lily go out the portrait hole. He followed, wandering if he would be able to apologize soon. He still had no idea what she meant by him treating her differently, but he really would rather be friends with her.  
  
Lily, trailed by James, slipped out into the early morning dark hallways of the castle. Lily had obviously been out before, because she moved with elegant, confident, sure movements. James was a little puzzled to see her stop in front of the gargoyle. She whispered the password, and Lily, followed by James, climbed up the stairs to see Dumbledore.  
  
James was intrigued, and he wondered if this had anything to do with last summer.  
  
***********************************  
  
"I had the dream again, Professor. He will come."  
  
"Miss Evans, I do believe that you are quite safe here. This is the school contains some of the most powerful witches and wizards of today," Dumbledore said in his quiet, unhurried, and reassuring voice.  
  
"I'm not sure that he's coming after me this time." Dumbledore raised an eyebrow as Lily continued, "I know that he is still after me, but I think that he will do something here to hurt me in a different way besides physically."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"He may try to get my friends," Lily said quietly. James' eyes widened.  
  
"Interesting. You know, he usually goes after the targets family first," Dumbledore said thoughtfully.  
  
Lily looked at him. "You weren't told?"  
  
**********************************  
  
James was oddly quiet that day. So, You-Know-Who was after Lily again. Again! He'd already almost killed her last summer, when he tried to get her to join his side. James still wasn't sure why, though. Lily was powerful, true, but she was a Muggleborn, too. And the other thing, the words that had almost made James cry out in pain and feeling for Lily. Her sad, solemn voice echoed in his head:  
  
"I have no parents."  
  
Dumbledore had said, "But you live with Molly Evans-"  
  
"I am an orphan. He killed my parents long ago. He showed me, like a Muggle film. Their struggle, their cries, their desperate attempts to save me," Lily paused, and then continued, "their deaths."  
  
Over and over in his head, playing the same conversation. James thought that he might go mad.  
  
*************************************  
  
Things eventually returned to normal. Lily came up with two more ID tags: Save the Squirrels and Don't Get Your Rodents Confuzzled. Peter had made several attempts to get MPP to talk to him, but to no avail. Desperate to save himself from a beating from Malfoy, he tried another approach: Lily.  
  
Lily was a more forgiving soul. For reasons that no one, either then or now could fathom, she gave Peter another chance. Maybe it was because she believed in what Dumbledore taught, and gave people second chances. Maybe she was just naturally kind. Maybe she pitied Peter for his lack of friends, and for his dependence on MPP. Whatever the reason, Lily was Peter's link to the Marauders, and she got him back into their blessings. Peter was a little upset at the power she had, but he knew he wouldn't mess up like that again. Still, he knew Malfoy would have his way. 'Stupid Lily,' he thought. 'Her kindness will be her undoing.'  
  
  
  
a/n: sry for the wait guys. School again. *mutters* anyhoozles, i hope u like this story!!! I have lots of plans for it at the end, just u wait!!! im not gonna linger on 7th year to much, because im taking the story to Voldemort's attack.  
  
my monkeys are waiting for u. they will bite. so review!!! 


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